Calling on hands to lean on

Its hard to describe what it feels like to live with my fear in my head, not fear of success or anything like that, rather, fear of not having the strength to feel faith that everything I don't know and screw up on, is actually to my benefit and makes my art more interesting.

I actually get sick to my stomach with fear, doubt and insecurity before every shoot. Call it stage-fright perhaps.

Fear of faith.... and as a saying goes 'feel the fear and do it anyway' http://www.amazon.fr/Feel-Fear-Anyway-Susan-Jeffers/dp/0449902927

I don't always feel the FAITH and yet I do it ANYWAY (my version)... thinking that everything I've learned up till now, I should be able to do without thinking ... and the faith that it will be great; even if I don't think at the time that I got what I wanted.

You see, my brain shuts off when I work... and I'm sloppy, passionate, intense and absorbed in my subject. I forget I'm supposed to look at lighting, hair, wardrobe and anything technical ... even the focus can slip past me at times, which makes me a high-risk photographer. Meaning, I can't give a guarantee, for my work is not a preordained formula and yet, I have faith that that is what is okay about my art.

That said, I've failed many times and its humiliating, period. In a while the impact of that feeling of failure subsides and I learn from it once again, while having faith that it is helping me to become greater.