I'm at the point when Courage makes love to Integrity, but marries the ugly-third-cousin Anger, then suddenly seduces Sadness, all before telling the Fucked-Up-Step to just Stop, and I can't.... fear overcomes.
Round and round I go wondering why I survived the birth-defect I did. So many times I come up really angry, thinking if it wasn't for technology making a huge fucking scar across my abdomen and one on my neck and chest - I wouldn't be alive. What makes a little soul, premature, 2.5 lbs with all her intestines on the outside of her stomach, born in the waiting room, restrained down for months in the hospital, plethora of surgeries, not able to be held, fed through the heart and neck WANT to survive.
Did I really CHOOSE to live, or was it mans intervention?
.... we all have a choice, but sometime choice is taken away when it comes to life and death.
Takako is my real middle name for a reason.
So, like usual, I ask myself, "what role do I play on this earth, for ... obviously, I am 'here for a reason', like so many people tell me." Ugh, give me a break, both for the crap I'm vomiting and for the bullshit they're puking.
Alright then, maybe I'm not as brave I was when I started on this earth...
and I'm not going to waste my time with the problems in my head.
Instead, make a commitment to my short life here on earth to channel the Everything into my Art, come hell or high-waters, may the latter be warmer than the former.
Currently listening while writing:
Florence and the Machine, Addicted to Love
You're something kinda wonderful and have touched many lives. You're a key for a lock unknown, but when it opens... Look out world!
ReplyDeleteDon't look at the road just enjoy the ride.